| For now I would just like to tell you about my friend Emily. I won't disclose her last name for security purposes because I know thers some fucking weirdos out there and I woulndt want anything to happen. Anyway, I have two best friends, Alison and Emily. Ali was my first best friend upon my arrival in australia. Year 8 was pretty much fucked up for me until the end, when i started fitting in properly. That's when I got close to ali and we were virtually inseparable. Halfway through year 9 though, ali went away for six months and that's when I met Em. She didn't go to the same school as me but I met her through a mutual friend and because she lived right around the corner, we became very close. She basically lived at my house and we did everything together. Em was a very different and special person and I could sense it from the very early days of our friendship. I had no doubt that I could put every single piece of trust in her, and she soon became my other best friend. I don;t think I could have lived without her. She was definately the true meaning of friendship. Loyal to the heart, em did everything a real friend does and she was always there for me. However, she's always been a person having difficulty expressing love and soft emotions. We never hug. You know girls, how they hug and get all excited and all that stuff. That's one thing that never happened. BUt you know, I love it. I hate stupid meaningless hugs, what is the point. You know you love each other there is no need to constantly exchange meaningless gestures. So that was how it was with me and em. We were straight to each other and we didn;t want to be stupid like others. We knew what our friendship was about and we were happy with it. I remember one night when i was real drunk and fucked up after one of the BBQs down at the river and we were back at ali's. Christy was crying for some lame reason and saying how nobody loved her and stuff. I was sick in bed and em came to me saying. "Don't ever do that cos its bullshit and I'll just punch you in the head." and I laughed so much because we both knew she was just seeking attention. Everyone was feeling sorry and comforting her but Em and I both knew it was a crock of shit. So thats how it was with me and em, straight honest and sincere. I loved it that way. Em was like a part of my family and my family loved her too. Notice my use of the word 'WAS' instead of is. Well, she is still my best friend in the world. I'll love here even if she held a gun to my head. My love for her is unconditional though sometimes it is hard to tell because I am fazed by complications and fuck ups. She is still everything she was to me when we were younger but nothing is perfect and our friendship came to a very big hill. Unfortunately, we had trouble climbing it and it was rough. I thought she would be a person never to hurt me when it came to love and romance with boys and men whatever you'd liek to call them (personally i'd prefer pigs) and I was madly in love with a guy that she also liked, i thought i had a thing with him, then he wanted her and she took the opportunity i was ripped to pieces (beleive me, i really was) and so you know i thought it was the end of the world for a while, and it almost was. it fucked 1/3 of my final year at school which i am struggling to save right now. anyways, i got over that and tried my very hardest to put it behind me, and as they say 'time heals everything' and to all of you who are going through extremely difficult times, take my word because I think I've had enough experience to claim that there is nothing but truth in that statement. It took me a while but I love em and i always will no matter what she does to me. Needless to say I've probably given her my fair share of anguish but I don;t recall ever consciously making a big decision which would fuck up or make a difference to our friendship (such as romance etc) ANYWAY. thats not the only reason i used the past tense in my little story. It is also because em has changed. I probably have to but she's grown up so much it just makes me want to cry. she's not my little em anymore. She's definately an individual and has become more and more of one through the years at high school. What saddens me is that i no longer feel that she has the respect for me as she did way back in the day when we were young and foolish (yes i do smell cheese but you know) I don't feel like if thers something up she'd just want to call me or share everything with me and just i dont know. ME ME ME you know waht i mean? nah, didnt think so. but anwyay im trying not to take it personally because its also just in her nature to not share things as openly as i do. but thats another thing. I respect the fact that she has difficulty shwoing emotions and stuff, but i feel like she is condemning me because I do it.Like the way she goes 'You never shut up do you' and I'm just like oh ok ... eep. and i dont know how i react, i guess i just tell her my way of seeing things but inside it really cuts me up, because i mean i do know i crap on for ages about shit but thats because i speak my mind. i wish she'd just laugh it off or i duno pretend to listen or soemthing. say something nice perhaps? the only times em ever says anything nice to me anymore is when we fight and i really lose it because i get so depressed or when i am really down there and in need of a hand to get back up. otherwise i dont really think she says anything to make me feel good. i thought that was what friends are for? but see, thats okay because I have ali for that. I have em for honestly and ali for comfort. I know in her own way em cares because she still does stuff with me, even though I feel like im always the one to invite her or ask.. i dunno. i really dont know i could think about it for ages. wyndham hotel costa mesa |
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| How plur is that?i even watched price is right this morning.i was disturbed however that they had some new dude announcing.that sucks.oh well.maybe i will clean house now.woot. mom i love you. i miss you.i dont hate gary anymore.i want to talk to you.i don't blame you for anything that happened.i want to hug you.i want to have a relationship with you again. |
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